A Change (very confusing, watch out audience)

Well, as I sat through 2 hours of math, I spent either a good quarter or maybe half of it contemplating... life... philosophy... and a bit of Keanu weaved into it. A bit like he did on his 39th birthday. The important part came as I slowly thought over what he had said before. I mean REALLY think, about what it really meant. For example, I thought mainly about the new opinions of his that I had learned today, and of the age gap between us. Whether it was the starting idea, or it was the idea that all of this left me with, is what one word can describe- discipline. I had been searching for it for a long time now, since I had lost the inspiration for it some time ago, and it seemed almost hopeless. I had thought before today, that even Keanu could not inspire me to change my procrastinative, destructive (well okay not really destructive but unprogressive) life.
Well, Along the way I decided that being a fan of his didn't really get me anywhere, and wasn't what I really wanted to be. I had always knew that there was something wrong with the word "fan", not that it was bad, only that it wasn't what I really seeked in Keanu. Sure I could swoon over him for years and years but what would I learn? What would I get from it? Where would I get my self? Nothng. No where. (but wait wait, fans ARE important too...)
Another spooky aspect that I was forced to see today, while at a fansite, was that when I'm #_3_#, he'll be in his #_)?(5#s. Which really doesn't close the age gap at all, does it? Maybe if it were only #0199# years apart, fine- but by the end (sniff sniff) of all this, besides knowing a whole lotta junk about him and seeing a lot of his captured moments on a nice monitor or poster, what would I have? But i guess that's not the main point. The point is that out of all this confusing stuff arised- inspiration. What I hadn't been able to find for a while, and morals. And through a lesson or two that he had learned, I realized... no, it was more confirmed, that I really do like Keanu more than what Keanu looks like which is hella hot, but ahem any way...
I also found (hopefully) a cure to my constant procrastination and messiness these days. I've decided to become more disciplined again because it's comfier that way and gives ya more of an accomplished feeling about things in general. So, I don't think anyone else but me would really understand all of this, which I am still sorting out, but it's a start. Oh, and yes this is more of a journal entry type of blog post than an out to public type, but I suppose I won't save it as a draft because the public (okay, really I just mean my close friends, so ne one else, please scram for this blog) should be notified in this sudden change of philosophy of Zetaness.
In all:
So okay maybe you could still call me a fan, but a fan that's changed. Keanu is now a source of inspiration, knowledge, and opinions to me, instead of whatever cloudy definition there was before.

I will leave you with this one quote, if i can remember it :)

and okay other stuff that's important

(and okay maybe it sounds corny, but it really is important)

Respect

Trying to be the best part of yourself each day

You shouldn't think, this is a drag or i wish i could do that more (second one is fine actually but...) you simply should think- this is what I have to do, and i hope i do it well.

A small start of the list about the guy I'm going to fall for
The guy i'm going to fall for has to have nice... manners... well, gntlmn like :) hehehe- I wonder where I got that idea...

I'm going for a shower very soon. I'll add more as it comes along to me.